What Joey de Leon has to say about Cougars

From his article in the Philippines Star
'Cougar - A Cat and a Woman'
ME, STARZAN By Joey de Leon
(The Philippine Star) Updated August 15, 2010 12:00

There’s no question that women will always be a very interesting subject. But for those who openly and passionately claim that they truly adore women, and to those who are addicted talking and writing about them, did you ever care and think of finding out why these beautiful creatures are called such — women?

O ano, aber? What’s their “WO” doing before us men? Do these letters really stand for Wife Of? Hence, Wife Of Man. Pwede? 

It’s possible too that “WO” is short for womb — man with womb? Pwede rin?

But we are all called men in general. The “WO” was clearly placed there to recognize the difference between the male from the female. But why WO? Could they be symbolizing something?

Pero ‘wag nang mag-alala’t nalaman ko na
Kung ano at para saan ang “wo” sa una,
Nang papasok sa Bulaga isang umaga,
Biglaang sa isip ko ay pumasok siya.

Kulang na lang ay mapasigaw ng, “Eureka!”
Sa nadiskubrehan kong sana’y ikasiya,
Kaya eto na po kayo ay maghanda na,

Kung ano ang “wo” sa woman
sasabihin na.

Siguro naman tayo ay nagkakaisa
Na mga drawing ang nauna kaysa letra,
At ang “wo” sa tingin ko ay mga pigura
Ng dalawang maseselang parte ni Eba.
Tingnan ang “W” at dibdib ang kapara —
S’yay may dalawang lundo o ano, hindi ba?
At bilog na “O” ito ba’y sasabihin pa?
Butas na lagusan ng sangkatauhan s’ya.

Kung paniniwalaan nasa sa inyo na,
At inaako ko kung ano ang nabasa,
Nung Miercoles lang nang pumasok ang ideya,
Tanggap kong regalo at ‘di nagpapatawa.

Siguro ang iba d’yan ay sasabihin pa
Na itong si Joey tarantado talaga,
Kung kayo’y tagahanga inyo bang napuna
Wala akong “ngek!” sa dulo na binalandra?

*    *    *

But wait, there’s more... teka nga at teka lang, why do women today have a nicer and cuter name for themselves if they date or get involved romantically with younger men? Cougar. Wow, bakit ganon? Pag lalaki, dirty old men! Anak ng put your head on my shoulder! Where is your sense of fairness?

Cougar ka d’yan! You just changed it from SUGAR! Ngek! At inalis n’yo pa ‘yung “mommy” ha — at ayaw pa n’yo ng Cougar Mommy ha. 

Well, kung ayaw n’yo ng “sugar,” eh at least, let’s be equal.
Gets n’yo? Sugar and Equal?

Why don’t you just call older men who still go for younger girls “Flirty Gold Men?” ‘Wag nang dirty! Para namang salaula at balahura ang dating ng mga lalaki eh. Imagine, kayo cougar — parang regal at kagalang-galang ang arrive. Tapos ang lalaki D.O.M.? Manyakis na manyakis ‘di ba?

O ganito na lang — anyway, you picked an animal name from the cat family , cougar — let men pick their own. Say, PUMA. O, ‘di ba ang ganda? Tabla-tabla na. We are family pa. You are cougar. And we are puma. Hindi pa halatang “puma” is short for puma-patol sa bata. Ngek!

*    *    *

Last July 30, a Friday, I watched Cats with my pride (de Leon yata ito) at the CCP. When the show continued after the intermission, I was surprised to hear a reprise of the song Memory performed in Tagalog! As a matter of fact, although it was not common for musical play goers to clap at the beginning of a number, the Filipino audience could not control giving it a warm applause. Hindi nakapagpigil baga dala ng Pinoy pride.


I learned the next day that the Tagalog translation was written by Pete Lacaba. Galing. It was poetically translated from the sentiments of Lea Salonga’s character Grizabella.

But again, in the spirit of fairness, here’s my own set of lyrics to the tune of Memory but this time from a real cat’s point of view —

Pusa
Laging api na lamang
Madalas pang maturong
Nagnakaw ng ulam
Malimit pa
Pag kami ay nasagasaan
Flat na flat ang katawan...