From the PDI Column : At Large
MANILA, Philippines-While “Cougartown,” the American TV show about a 40-something Courtney Cox and her adventures in search of younger men, has yet to air on Philippine TV, I’m already familiar with the term “cougar.” The context is a story in itself.
I was with some friends of long-standing, who shall remain nameless because one of them is a nun, joined by two of our daughters. We were having dinner at a very popular place, and so had to be seated outside in the corridor, frantically waving at servers to notice us. The waiter who finally did approach turned out to be a personable young man, clean-cut and pleasant of manner, and of course we were all much taken by him. I don’t know about my friends, but my sole aim was to introduce him to my daughter. And so I asked his name, what he did aside from serving (he turned out to be a graduate of a computer school), and if he had a girlfriend. (So sue me, I happen to be a very good journalist!)
Amid all this banter and back-and-forth between a group of 50-something women and a good-looking waiter, the young women at our table looked on horrified and too offended for words. “Mom,” said one of them who looked suspiciously like my daughter, “you’re such a cougar.” “A what?” I asked above the din in the corridor. “A cougar, an older woman who likes younger men.”
I didn’t get her because she pronounced “cougar” as “coo-ger,” and at first I thought she was calling me the stuff that comes out of one’s nose. A cougar is a wild animal that belongs to the cat family, but a “coo-ger” is apparently a woman past her prime who hunts for younger male prey. The analogy wasn’t lost on us, but no, we weren’t (and aren’t) desperate, lusty or frantically chasing time by lowering the average age of our sexual partners.
We were just having a good time.
* * *
BUT I can understand the dynamic. No longer are relationships supposed to follow a single pattern: older man (who is also richer, more powerful, more experienced, more “worldly”) and younger woman (economically dependent, vulnerable, virginal and innocent).
These days, relationships following the reverse order are all the rage: Courtney Cox herself and her hubby David Arquette who is seven years her junior; Kris Aquino and James Yap with nearly a decade between them; and of course the poster-couple of happy cougar-hood, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.
There is even supposed to be a natural logic to all this, for as former Inquirer columnist (and incorrigible dirty old man) Larry Henares once put it: men hit their peak of sexual prowess from age 15 to their early 20s, while women’s sexuality peaks in their late 30s and 40s. Thus the most sexually compatible, not to mention sexually fulfilled, couples would be those of younger men with women at least two decades older than them.
I myself have nothing against cougars, except for the rather demeaning term. And if I were single, economically independent and reasonably fit, I can’t see any reason why I should be limiting my dating pool to men of my own age, when younger men are more energetic, genuinely attracted to my experience and worldliness, and willing to learn.
But I would guess that keeping up with a youthful partner can prove to be exhausting, as I’m sure men in their 50s and 60s with young trophy-wives who want to party after a long day can attest to.
In all probability, in fact, the newly empowered cougars the entertainment industry is so fascinated with could very well be the men’s discarded wives, who are finding themselves suddenly in fashion, suddenly desirable, and suddenly arm-in-arm with muscular studs and fresh-faced boylets.
There is justice in the gender wars, after all.
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